just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
