our cab driver is having phone sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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