i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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