While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
