It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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