I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
