Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
