i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
