...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
