I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
