We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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