I have demons in me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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