Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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