I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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