i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
