I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
