Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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