last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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