in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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