I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
