Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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