I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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