I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
