Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
