she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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