i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
