Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
