i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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