So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm like, not good at living.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
