Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i came on her dog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
