Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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