omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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