He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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