I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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