Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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