my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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