Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
