I wish I could teleport
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
