i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
