i think i have two assholes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
