they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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