winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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