Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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