He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
