Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
