As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
