When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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