So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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