i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
