yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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