Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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