I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
