thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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