Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
