I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
