You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
