We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
