if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
