Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
