Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
