Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she smelled like a LAN party
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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