I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This baby is an asshole
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
