I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
