I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
