Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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