In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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